Ever since my dad passed away in December, my health has been kind of a wreck. I’ve gotten hit with so many strange and debilitating health ailments over the past 3 1/2 months, most of which I’ve NEVER experienced before.
First there was the cold that turned into severe bronchitis – two weeks of nonstop coughing and hacking and choking and almost zero sleep because of it. I got a doctor’s note and had to reschedule my trip to Florida.
Then several weeks later there was the mysterious chest condition. It came on out of nowhere and literally felt like I was having a heart attack, the pain was that severe. My chest and rib cage felt intensely constricted, I was gasping for air and could barely talk or move about. For the second time in a row, I was forced to get another doctor’s note and reschedule my flight. This was diagnosed as costochondritis but as mysteriously as it came on, it just as mysteriously disappeared in a couple days.
A few weeks later (this time in Florida – I actually made it!) I was hit with THE worst pain I’ve ever experienced in my life. Seemingly overnight I developed pain in my left shoulder so sharp and severe and stinging that every little shift in my body would send me screaming in agony. I am not exaggerating when I say that on a scale of 1-10, the pain level held at a solid 9. I could not lift my left arm. I could not pick up anything with my left hand. I could not use any of the muscles in my arm and move my shoulder even a tiny bit. I could not even lay down – somehow the pain was even worse when lying down, sharply radiating into my back and left side, making it impossible to get rest.
Have you ever felt pain so extreme that you were unable to focus on anything else, even for just a moment? It was unreal and the first time I actually understood what it meant to have pain making you not want to live any longer. For the third time in two months, I had to cancel another flight!!
The arm condition I had was Parsonage Turner Syndrome – which is really just a fancy medical label from doctors that means nothing because in truth, no one has any idea what causes the condition, why it happens or how to cure it. Thankfully I was able to knock out the pain completely in just two days by implementing a very strong food and supplement protocol, much to the surprise of everyone around me! Again, just as mysteriously as the condition came on, it totally disappeared.
Just a few weeks later I came down with what felt like a case of mono. Whole body fatigue, exhaustion to the point of brain fog, an outbreak of cold sores, all right at the onset of my period, sending me back in bed for several days straight. All the while I’ve been fighting tons of inflammation and swelling in my body along with a really annoying and persistent case of eczema on my hands.
It’s just been one health crisis after the other these past few months and I find myself going, “When will it END?!” Why is my body flipping out and falling apart over and over and over again?!
I know I’m not alone in this feeling. Anyone dealing with chronic illness and autoimmune disease is intricately familiar with what I’m talking about. At this point, I have probably taken 6 weeks of work off since December for one health issue or another. I wish I could say that I’ve been out and about enjoying myself all that time instead of in bed recovering!
Having a debilitating health problem affects much more than just your physical being – it greatly impairs your mental and emotional state as well. Being in bed for long periods of time makes you feel lethargic and heavy. Not being able to keep up with your routines and habits makes you feel frustrated and depressed. I know that I personally feel my naturally positive demeanor start to slip away when I’m not feeling well.
So what do we do??
In order to not let your health ailments bring you down, I believe it comes down to three main things:
1). Change your focus
Are you focusing on being sick and unable to function? Are you focusing on feeling shitty and miserable? Change that focus and shift it to something you love! This is easier said than done when there are major problems going on in your body, I realize. Use distraction tools if necessary. Is there an activity you really enjoy that you can work on for a while such as craft-making, drawing, cooking, gardening, taking a walk amongst nature, etc? Coloring therapy was a wonderful stress-relieving activity for me a few years ago and I highly recommend it to anyone who is sick and bedridden.
Focus on the small joys. What are some things you love? What can you get excited about? What makes you happy? Shift your focus to some of these things and let yourself dwell on them, soaking in the good feels. A great exercise you can use to change your focus is to challenge yourself to make a list of 50 or 100 things that you love. Bonus points if you write WHY you love each one! By the time you’re finished with the list, I guarantee you’ll be feeling lighter.
2). What does this mean?
How we feel has everything to do with what we focus on and the meanings we give it. What does having a health ailment mean to you? Does it mean that your life sucks? That everyone has it better than you? That there’s something wrong with you or that you’re a failure? Now you might be thinking this is crazy because obviously having a health ailment totally blows – who in the right mind would think otherwise? But bear with me here… there are countless ways of looking at situations and countless meanings that we can give them. While one person may see a health ailment as a total detriment, another person may view this as an obstacle that will ultimately make them stronger later on.
See my post on Why your setbacks are your greatest blessings
When I am faced with a health challenge, I often think about how many people going through something similar I’m going to be able to help when I overcome it. (And yes, I do think WHEN I overcome it, not IF). I think about everything that I’m learning along the way and I think about how being sick helps me to develop greater compassion for others who are struggling and experiencing hardship in life.
In this way, I’m able to bring some much-needed hope and light to a situation that could easily leave me feeling stuck in a low place. Pay attention to the meaning that you give challenging situations in your life and realize that the meaning you choose is what ultimately determines your perspective on it. The key to feeling better about any situation is to question the meaning you give it and change it to a meaning that better serves you.
3). Compassion and understanding
When you’re dealing with a lot of health ailments and constantly getting sick, it’s vital to develop greater compassion and understanding for yourself. I used to mentally beat myself up whenever I fell ill. It sounds messed up but I felt like something must be wrong with me since I couldn’t get my shit together and develop a strong immune system. I felt like I was doing so much more than others around me to take care of myself but for some reason (maybe I was just a faulty human being!) I still developed loads of health problems that no one else around me seemed to get! I’d tell myself all kinds of upsetting things because I felt like I just couldn’t get a break.
This kind of thinking is not helpful! The truth is, we get sick for all kinds of reasons that have little to do with how well we eat and take care of ourselves. For instance, the environment we live in is FILLED with toxins – chemicals, heavy metals, viruses, pathogens. We not only pick up these toxins from our surroundings but they’re also inherited from our family line – meaning that some of us may come into this world at a great disadvantage already depending on what our parents and their parents, etc were exposed to. We could be dealing with viruses and heavy metals that were picked up by our ancestors over 200 years ago! It was when I learned this that I realized I needed to stop beating myself up for things that I literally could not control.
Being born with toxins and disease is an unfortunate reality for many people these days. Not to mention STRESS – another biggie that has enough power to trigger a disease to start that might otherwise never have developed.
All we can do is move forward.
Developing compassion for yourself means keeping your unique situation in mind, understanding what you’ve been through and how far you’ve already come. It’s not about where you are at the moment but how far you’ve come. It’s about knowing that you’re doing the best you can, that you are a good person, that all will be well in the end. Self-compassion is about giving yourself a lifeline, a big warm hug, a feeling of peace and relief that you are enough right where you’re at.
I still struggle with developing enough compassion and understanding in my own life but every day it gets a little better. It was through practicing self-compassion that I finally came to peace with what’s been going on in my life these past few months. Death is often a great blow to the immune system all on its own but for me, it has not stopped there. The truth is, my dad’s death has set off a ton of financial stress for my siblings and I. No one expected that he would die without a will. No one expected that my dad’s new wife would take literally ALL of his assets for herself. It’s been especially upsetting because I have family members who may end up homeless soon — my dad’s savings could have really saved the day for them! Now, it’s up to me.
My dad’s passing has been linked with so much anger, hurt and confusion for the entire family. It’s no wonder why my health has been so rocky lately. When we’re sick of what’s going on in our lives, it can literally make us sick!
As destructive as negative emotions are for our health, self-compassion has a way of bringing about profound healing. And so, I try to remind myself throughout all my health challenges to understand more, to forgive, to keep light-heartedness within. And to be genuinely ok with where I’m at. If where I’m at is stuck in bed for the moment, that too is ok. I know it’s needed.
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Dealing with chronic illness and disease can be incredibly hard, I know, but with a little determination, we can see ourselves through and come out the other end with resilience, hope and yes, even love.
Every healthy meal, healthy action, and healthy thought is one step closer to a strong and vibrant body!
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